Pluralism And Religious Life

Where There Is Love There Is Life: A Hin-Jew Wedding

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:39:24 +0000

One of the most unique weddings I have officiated was Shreeti and Jon’s. I co-officiated with Shreeti’s family’s lay pundit (Hindu priest), Jaysurya (“Jay”) Upadhyaya. It was fascinating to see how these two faiths, one Western and one Eastern, came together in one ceremony, and how many parallels exist between the wedding rituals of both.

The ceremony began at the entrance, with Shreeti’s mother waving a wand over Jon to cast away spirits. This Hindu tradition is similar to the Jewish tradition of beginning the ceremony with the bride and groom’s mothers leading the bride around the groom to similarly protect him. In accordance with Hindu tradition, Jon then broke a clay pot to symbolically remove any obstacles to the marriage.

The ceremony itself was held under a mandap, a Hindu ceremonial canopy that turns the whole area under it into a symbolic altar. This served also as the Jewish chuppah, which symbolizes the bride and groom’s new home. Interestingly, both faiths center around the home, rather than the house of worship, which means that home and altar are very much one and the same.

At various points during the Hindu portions of the ceremony, people made offerings to different deities. This usually involves Sanskrit chanting by the pundit, the tossing of the offering into fire and the marking of the body with paste. These are very important parts of the ceremony, as the favor of the deities is seen as central to a life of happiness for the new family being created under the mandap. The Jewish portions of the ceremony do not involve offerings, but do involve the chanting of blessings in Hebrew. I opened the Jewish part of the ceremony with traditional, welcoming blessings and towards the end blessed the couple with the Priestly Blessing.

In a Jewish wedding, parents and loved ones are brought under the chuppah with the bride and groom. This is true of a Hindu wedding too. Shreeti’s parents spent part of the ceremony under the mandap, made an offering and even washed Shreeti and Jon’s feet, beseeching him to treat their daughter as an equal partner. Later in the ceremony, family members from both sides, including Jon’s parents, joined Shreeti and Jon under the mandap, and made offerings, which the couple, circling a small altar four times, threw into the fire. The circling symbolizes the couple’s commitment to remaining true to one’s values, providing for the family, obtaining fulfillment and achieving enlightenment. Every time they circled the altar, siblings and cousins, who had surrounded the mandap, pelted them with flower petals. Later, after the ceremony, with their families once again surrounding them, the couple would sign the Jewish ketubah, a document where they would commit themselves to essentially the same ideals celebrated while ringing the altar.

One of the most striking resemblances between the wedding traditions of both faiths is the centrality of the number seven. The Hindu tradition has the Satapadi or Seven Vows, and the Jewish tradition has the Seven Blessings. Jon laid Shreeti’s big toe on each of seven decorated shells respectively, while Jay chanted the Satapadi, swearing the couple to live with honor and respect, be happy, share in all, not forget their elders, be charitable, be peaceful and love and sacrifice for each other. I followed with the chanting of the Seven Blessings, which celebrate creation in general, creation of man, creation of woman, the hope of return to Zion and the love and happiness of the bride and groom and their loved ones.

Both traditions include the bride and groom sharing sweet food (in Hinduism) or sweet wine (in Judaism) to symbolize everyone’s prayer that the couple will enjoy a sweet life together. Shreeti and Jon shared candy and dried fruit, in accordance with the Hindu tradition.

Jon then put a necklace on Shreeti’s neck, the Hindu equivalent to putting a ring on his bride’s finger. (Both faiths, being in their traditional form patriarchal, have the groom putting the jewelry on the bride and not vice versa.) Shreeti and Jon then read very meaningful vows they wrote, after which they exchanged rings, reciting (in Hebrew and in English) the traditional Jewish consecration formula, as well as a verse from the Song of Songs.

After I declared them husband and wife, Jon ended the ceremony, just as he started it – by breaking something. This time, in accordance with Jewish tradition, he broke a glass. I explained it as symbolizing the breaking down of barriers between different cultures and faiths – a very fitting explanation for this wedding.

How did Shreeti and Jon, coming from traditions, far apart geographically and theologically, “pull off” such a seamless ceremony, where it was well evident that all present felt so validated and comfortable? They communicated their plans to their families, and sought their feedback. Their parents gave them honest and considerate feedback while respecting the couple’s wishes. Shreeti and Jon chose officiants who were open to learning about each other’s faiths and communicated well themselves. These officiants were keen on making the various parts of the ceremony mesh well together. Most importantly, while each family expressed their wishes to observe various rituals from their respective traditions, it seemed like they were even more careful to make sure that the other side’s wishes were being met.

It was really heart-warming to observe how concerned these people were regarding each other’s feelings. It has been said that true love means caring about your loved one’s feelings, as you much as you care about yours. This couple, their families and all involved showed this type of love, and as Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Where there is love, there is life!”

Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish Family

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:37:30 +0000

I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all, she grew up eating Chinese food!

I grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood of Montreal. My mother is Sephardic Italian and my father is a Holocaust survivor from Poland. I speak Italian with my mother and Yiddish with my father and siblings. My wife, Belinda Cheung, was born and raised in Hong Kong and came to Canada when she was 17.

I married Belinda in 1999. Our marriage has been working wonderfully well. Despite our cultural differences, our worldviews and approaches to life are remarkably identical. We are busy raising our two young children, and our lives are meaningful and fulfilling.

Picture frames reflecting both Chinese and Jewish influences adorn our home. We are keen on learning about each other’s culture. We make a point to learn each other’s languages through tapes and books. Although we are both fully fluent in English, my wife chooses to speak Cantonese to our children, and I speak Yiddish. Between us, we converse in English. Our children identify with their Yiddish and Chinese names, in addition to their English names. Our elder son, Asher (age 3), seems to handle the different languages well. We make an effort to be consistent in our use of languages with our children. We expose them to both Chinese and Jewish games, as well as Chinese, Yiddish, Hebrew and English books, songs and videos.

With an Italian mother and a Chinese wife, I am likely one of the most well-fed guys on earth! On Sabbath, my wife often makes “Chinese cholent,” which I thoroughly enjoy. She shops for Chinese mushrooms, lotus seeds, ginseng and various kinds of Chinese fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. I take pleasure in preparing Italian dishes, and we both like Ashkenazi Jewish cuisine. One time, my mother-in-law assisted with cooking, and we all had an authentic Chinese meal on Friday night. It was a delightful evening and a pleasant cultural shock to my parents. Using chopsticks is still a challenge for me, but it only makes life more interesting!

I am fascinated with Chinese history, language and culture. Belinda’s roots are almost as important to me as my own. I am constantly looking for ways to infuse more Chinese culture into our lives. Even my favourite ties display ancient Chinese scripts and I often wear them on Sabbath. The Chinese and the Jews have a lot in common in their ethical teachings.

We keep a kosher diet and celebrate all Jewish holidays, including the holy Sabbath. We are grateful that my parents, my Chinese in-laws, as well as our secular relatives and friends, are respectful of our Jewish observances. My brother-in-law, who is Protestant, had joined us on several occasions and experienced Sabbath and Sukkot (Festival of Booths), and even had a taste of matzah on Passover. We give lai-si (red packets containing money, decorated with characters and drawings symbolizing luck and wealth) to our children on Chinese New Year.We may catch a dragon boat race during the Dragon Boat Festival, or play with Chinese lanterns around the August Moon Festival. When we are sick, we seek medical treatment and advice from both Chinese and Western doctors. Last year I had the opportunity to meet many of my wife’s relatives and childhood friends in Hong Kong, as well as to visit her schools and converse with her former teachers. Belinda also enjoyed meeting my aunts and cousins in Rome. These experiences are very special and memorable to us.

While we cherish both backgrounds, when we have to choose between them Jewish holidays and observances take precedence over Chinese holidays and customs. Belinda finds Judaism meaningful and she has learned to love it more than Chinese traditions. Judaism is central to us, and it helps imbue our lives with meaning and direction..

How did we get to this arrangement? From the moment we began dating, we enthusiastically explored each other’s cultures through visiting many ethnic establishments and participating in various cultural activities. Our goal was to broaden our horizons and to take the best of both worlds. However, as my parents were vehemently opposed to my dating Belinda because my religion prohibits intermarriage, we delved deeper into Judaism while also examining other religions. We read voraciously on different spiritualities. We attended Chinese churches, Buddhist and Taoist temples; took part in Jews for Jesus, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jewish synagogues and events; visited a Sikh Gurdwara, a Muslim mosque; and toured Israel for a month. It was a long but worthwhile journey. Through it all, we inspired each other in our spiritual growth, and helped shape each other’s outlook on life. Belinda eventually converted to Judaism after more than four years of exploring and learning. She genuinely loves Judaism. An important reason that my wife and I have adjusted to each other so well is that we had developed a common vision for ourselves before we got married.

We are now connected to a Torah-observant community where people are accepting of us and our Asian-looking Jewish children. We were forewarned by the rabbinical court which presided over my wife’s conversion that there would always be some Jews who, out of ignorance of Judaism, look down at converts and their children as being “not really” Jewish. Thank God, we have not experienced this kind of debasement.

We hope that as our children grow up, they will question, investigate and renew their commitment to our Jewish heritage, and also respect and honor their Chinese roots. That they will carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their children with healthy and life-affirming values and practices.

4 Practical Ways of Dealing With Differences to Make a Difference in Your Life!

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:36:21 +0000

This week, next Sunday to be exact (the third Sunday of January), is World Religions Day. This is a day in which the world’s amazing collage of different religions is honored. It was started by Baha’i's in the United States but has slowly been spreading throughout the world.

On this day throughout the world interfaith conferences, dinners and dialogs are hosted in order to promote communication and understanding amongst the world’s religions. According to the Baha’i website, the purpose is to call attention to the harmony of the various religions and spiritual principles and to emphasize that religion is the motivating force for world unity.

As I pondered the significance of this day, I was struck by the intention behind this proclamation. We know that this idea certainly has not always played out this way.

As women spiritual leaders we are faced everyday with differences. These differences in the people we come across can range from differences in age, race, gender, socio-economic background, cultural background and, of course, religious background. How can we be messages of peace and goodwill to the world and help to be the cause of love and agreement when faced with these differences?

There are four important keys to this process:

1. Introspection

First of all, we must take a good hard look at ourselves. It is important as spiritual leaders that we understand our Achilles’ heel – our personal wounds and sensitive spots. If we are not clear on these and actively working on healing them, it is probable that they will come out as judgment and projection onto others.

We also must remember to take nothing personally and we are wonderful beings. Nothing can touch us unless we let it touch us. We are in control of ourselves and our own pain. We must be able to not take things personally especially when dealing with “differences”.

2. Open Heart/Open Mind

We should go into encounters with others with the intention of understanding them. This means making sure that we are truly listening to them – not thinking about how we are going to counter what they are saying. Our focus should be on them and what they are thinking, feeling and saying; and we should be doing this with open heart and an open mind. Listen and look for hidden wants and needs of the person and also look for their strengths and hopes. This can be done when encountering one person or even when attempting to understand an entire group of people.

3. Find the common ground

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” – From Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks

So, it now follows that from knowing yourself and listening to others with an open heart and mind, you can begin to find some commonalities. These commonalities are the field Rumi is referring to where we can meet people who are different from us and set aside those differences so that we can connect with them more fully.

Leonard Pitts, Jr., a columnist for the Miami Herald stated in a speech made February 11, 2002, at the Friends Select School in Philadelphia,

“Unity is not two people clinging together because they both fear they’re about to be annihilated. Nor, for that matter, is unity two people standing together and pretending there are no differences between them…. Unity is respecting difference, honoring difference, valuing difference, learning from difference, but understanding that difference is not destiny…. And that, if there are 10 things that divide us, there are 100 by which we are drawn together. If there are 100 points of contention, there are 1,000 of common cause.”

4. Value the differences

So by this point we have examined ourselves and listened to others with an open heart and mind. Through this exercise we have found both commonalities and differences. We have met the others in our field of commonality, but this does not imply that we should ignore or toss away the differences. What should we do with them? We should value them for it is through them that we can learn and grow both mentally and spiritually. We each do not have the corner on all knowledge and truth and it is in meeting others who are different that we can be charged with new knowledge and fresh energy.

Y series- How to Interact in an Official Life…

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 02:35:30 +0000

Some of the very basic ethics and tactics which I think everyone knows but often observed as ignored situations. I would like to tip these personally. The people who are working in more or less small to medium scale companies, crew of a research center or in universities where they get in contact with the people of different nationalities should,

1: remember “a cultural greeting” at the place where you work. Generally, it leads to have moralistic depiction of your personality and a humanistic respect of you surrounding people.

2: Keep a smiling face as a key to unlock friendship, compare notes and talk together.

3: Remember the name, academic history of your colleagues, especially if you are in research group at a university, get know-how of their projects and goals.

4: Always be sharp, in time to the office or laboratory but flexible to leaving…

5: Be precise in dealing, money, and “paper-matters”. Documentation should be in an order to access systematically and symmetrically.

6: Always share precious time of “coffee break” as in Germany, or Tee break in UK…or lunch times… these are the times when people of different backgrounds, diverse project round the table and you get a possibility to converse your views, listen their specialties, success stories, international cultural events in your country, religion or special foods stuff… even if you are lucky and still single can also come across your suitable life partner!

7: Be active in social events of your working place. Interaction and participation in Get together is as vital as your report. Anyhow you get experiences of different matters of working social life.

8: If there is more than one colleague in your office, be friendly, and be judging when they need your suggestion in their matters. Do not poke every time your nose in their matters even it is interesting to you. This also depends on if you are male or female. But it is always better and respectful when they ask your opinion, you should impart your honest suggestion.

Well, personally I am not in favor of celebrating birthdays at your working place but as seen in some advanced countries, some people like to! But it depends upon the type and condition plus the working style of your company. Well, you have to decide yourself but events like inauguration ceremonies etc… are worthy to rejoice fully.

9: Build a strong communication line with your boss and the leader of your company in terms of your working reports and update of your project status. If you are the leader of the special department then leave the door open for everyone at anytime to “come and ask”. The feelings of “master-slave” relation are sometimes critical. It is always superior compromising the situations with “give and take” strategy.

As seen, many times there starts grouping and “mobbing” in the business and even in university research institutes. Well, it is true that there could be some “difference” in personal view points but everyone should keep in mind the Ethics and collective aim of the company, the university or the general body of the group…

10: If you are the head of you department where about 100 or more people work in your supervision, especially with different nationalities and cultural background, you should take care of not only the basic cultural demands but also sometimes come to their levels and special religious events, interfaith too.

11: The confidence in helping the colleagues in all kinds of their problems.

12: Least but not the last, I would like to secure my PC before I leave my office even for 5 minutes, lock perfectly your confidential documents of special projects and make password protected folders.