(From Church of the Brethren Messenger, October 2004)

10. Entire New York Times Bestsellers list filled with Brethren Press titles.

9. Global warming becomes a top issue of concern because all the ice cream is melting.

8. All five Great Lakes set aside for a giant baptismal pool.

7. Cell phone ring tones everywhere set to "Move in Our Midst."

6. Election Day followed by mutterings of "Oh no. Not another Miller in the White House!" The response: "Don't blame me, I voted for Bowman!"

5. Most popular TV reality show follows the wacky adventures of the Youth Peace Travel Team.

4. Teams of disaster workers are positioned all around the country, just daring a tornado to touch down.

3. Notre Dame changes its mascot to the "Fighting Brethren," then realizes it's an oxymoron.

2. Southern Baptists and Methodists grumble that the Brethren and Mennonites get all the media coverage.

1. In doctors' offices everywhere, the waiting room tables are covered with copies of Messenger!

-- Shared by Walt Wiltschek at this year's Annual Conference Messenger Dinner